What a long, rough climb.

Admittedly, it wasn’t nearly as bad as 2008. In retrospective, 2008 was the bottom of a dark and painful pit filled with venomous snakes, so 2009, as painful and tiring as it seemed, was a rope allowing me to climb out of my medical hell. I’m still climbing out but I can at least see the sunshine up ahead.

2009 was the year of vomit.
2009 was the year of a constantly bloody tongue.
2009 was the year of a destroyed immune system. [link]
2009 was the year of a paralyzing and insanely painful, and long shingles infection which plagues me to this day.

The shingles infection was also what gave me the motivation I needed to kick my body into gear and get healthy again. I got off the steroids. I stopped taking the chemo. I started living better—and it’s working. Slowly. But it’s working.

2009 was also:

The year I bought 50lbs of flour and learned how to make tasty pizza dough.
The year I got to watch my oldest daughter, Teagan, change from a little girl to a young lady (8 years old).
The year I witnessed my youngest daughter, Ayn, change from a baby to a little girl (2 years old).
The year that I got back into the garden after a 2 year hiatus.
The year of Howardpalooza 2009!!
The year I kicked-ass in the stock market by buying commodities early and hanging on for the ride.

My goals for the upcoming year are pretty simple:

Love more deeply.
Laugh more often.
Travel with the family.
Take better photos.
Share what I can.

I hope you’ve had a good year, learned a lot, and loved all.

See you in 2010.

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Four people in the last four days have asked me about my blog. Perhaps it’s a sign.

Yes, I’m still here. Yes, I still plan to write and share but the last 4 weeks have been the most painful days of my life and blogging hasn’t been at the top of my list of things to do.

Several days after my last post, I contracted a particularly nasty case of shingles, leaving me in severe pain and unable to walk for several days.

Thanks goodness for antivirals like acyclovir.

The healing process has been even more difficult as I’ve suffered intense bouts of muscle pain and severe allodynia to the degree that anything touching me, including clothes, water, or even a light breeze from a fan felt like razors cutting my flesh from the inside out. My only peace has come in the form of ice, capsaicin cream, and a powerful combination of Pregabalin and Oxycodone.

I’ll spare you the remaining details (and disgusting photos) but will say that shingles aren’t something to fuck around with.

There is a vaccine available for it and if you’re over 60 (or have a compromised immune system like me), talk to your doctor about getting vaccinated because you don’t want to go through what I’ve been though.

[Thank you Anitra…for finding a a deep well of strength within you to keep the family strong and me in as much comfort as possible]

So yeah. That’s why I haven’t written for the last month. All the while though, the garden has continued to flourish.

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The salad greens and carrots are in full force, the garlic is swelling, and all of my summer veggies are filling in the remaining empty spaces in the garden.

At this time last year, I was in the hospital—too weak to walk, frightened, and very, very sick. While I took comfort in having my family near me during my 2 week stay, it was frightening to know that a team of infectious disease specialists were making little progress towards understanding what they were dealing with. I didn’t know why I was there or when I could go back to the peace of my own home.

Instead of watching the corn emerge, listening to the cardinals sing, and enjoying the blooms of my irises, I was stuck in a hospital room with views like this of my family:

During my stay, Anitra would bring photos of the garden to me and while they gave me something to look forward to, it wasn’t the same as being there.

I spent this morning fertilizing my garlic with kelp for the last time this year. Bulbing will begin soon so I don’t want to provide the plants with any extra nitrogen for green growth. Before the rain set in this afternoon, I managed to get all the beds weeded and plant watermelon, beans, and sunflowers.

This year, I’m especially thankful for the opportunity to see it all come to life in person.

Photos from today: corn, garlic, dill, spinach, lettuce & carrots

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It’s just a few little pills, right?

They shouldn’t be too hard to swallow—and yet, as much as I need to take them tomorrow morning and start down a path to getting healthy, I’m hesitant.

Maybe it was the big red warning on the label complete with words like:

* serious side effects
* may cause liver damage
* may cause lung damage
* may cause kidney damage
* may cause a decrease in the number of blood cells made by your bone marrow
* may decrease the activity of your immune system

Other side effects include:

* headache
* hair loss
* blurred vision
...and the list goes on.

Still, it’s the right thing to do. The efficacy rate is high and I sure could use some improvements in my life.

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